I will be Paranoid. I will be Paranoid.
I recently purchased a book on Neuro-Linguistic Programming or 'The New Technology of Achievement' as it says on the cover. I can't remember exactly why I bought it, but it took ages to find and on the way to the counter I tripped over my own feet and ripped the cover.
This new technology is practised avidly by those for whom it works - which is fortunate really as it would be a mistake to create something which you used once, was 100% successful and never needed again - thus missing out on the three hundred other books in the NLP series - NLP and your Work, NLP and your Family, NLP and your Cat.
NLP is one martyr short of a religion. But I'm sure one will turn up. The opening chapter features the various routes to Damascus taken by the new technology disciples. Most have at least three job titles - teacher, trainer, psychotherapist; trainer, author, health-applications researcher; trainer, author, innovator; and trainer, author and expert modeler (that is he creates models of experts, not that he graduated from the pages of Peter Craig to Armani catwalks in one go). It appears that to be successful with the technology of achievement you should do as many things as possible because this way you stand a chance of being good at one of them.
Many of the disciples are healers and can cure phobias by proximity (excepting claustrophobia obviously) and by talking to their patients for a bit. One trainer, author and health-applications researcher (who's also a wife, mother and teacher) has undergone clinical trials proving the words that come out of her mouth are just like the words other people use only arranged in a different order, giving the illusion that she actually understands what the hell is going on in your life. There is one achievement all these disciples can claim. They've convinced loads of normal, healthy human beings that NLP is worth investing a whole lot of time in and of course, money.
Neuro Linguistic Programming is about reprogramming the software in you mind so you (too) can achieve human excellence. The book comes with a warning not to misuse these exercises as they are pretty powerful. One trainer, author, healer, miracle worker, teacher who was making a tidy living as a corporate financier took NLP and ended up living in a log hut, breeding husky dogs in Alaska - that's powerful.
Arthur C. Clarke is quoted before chapter one: "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." For some reason every time I read this my unprogrammed mind conjures up the image of Paul Daniels and completely wrecks everything.
NLP promotes new principles. The first principle is that you have to accept all the other principles. This paves the way for your acceptance of 'The NLP Presuppositions.'
One of the main presuppositions is: "If one person can do something, anyone can learn to do it." This is really good news. Other people have become fabulously wealthy, famous and rich - so can I! Many of them did this by using their family wealth, business acumen, suspect practices and exploiting their fellow man - so can I!
It's also immensely depressing: If other people have done it why haven't I? I mean, other people have climbed Everest - and they were years younger than me when they did it - what have I been wasting my life on? Why haven't I got up there yet, it's just a poxy little hill. It's no good saying I was too busy trying to make a living - everyone's in the same boat. If we all thought that way the human race would never have made it down from the trees.
This presupposition is qualified by a truism: 'When there is a physical or environmental limit, the world of experience will let you know about it.' I like the casual, relaxed way this tells you to stop doing something if it feels like you're going to die.
The final presupposition of NLP is the best one because it's actually NLP's own get-out clause. A sort of 'in case of emergency break glass'. This Presupposition is: "If what you are doing isn't working do something else." Follow NLP and if it doesn't work for you put it down and walk away and before you know it NLP will have worked for you. Now that's magic.
And for me? Well, I no longer worry about crowded rooms, aeroplanes or contracting a fatal disease. I didn't before, but NLP has taught me to be thankful - or rather, hysterically grateful for small mercies. In short, I can no longer utter the words 'I've recently purchased a book on Neuro-Linguistic Programming' without feeling strangely confident.